What We Learn When Times are Tough

What we learn when times are tough.

I see it often in the media where most of what ails people is often their own doing, and this is the case for any of us at times in our lives, we may feel very full from eating too much cheesecake, this was our own doing, but when we feel sick from eating cheesecake that was spoiled or contained an ingredient we didn’t know what there, it is not our doing. For hey, why should someone one always pass up the occasional delicious slice of cheesecake?

But sometimes I read and listen to these alleged experts and really wonder if they have ever experienced a bad hand of cards? Where things happened that had not to do with weak or poor character choices, that were not out of being indulgent or entitled, and were just simply crappy things. Like living in a tornado free zone but a tornado just took out your house.

I am not Talking About People who are Oblivious to Their Idiocy-They After all are Oblivious

I guess I believe people are a bit smarter than they are portrayed on television and in many articles; it is the very reason why I generally loathe the third person writing style. Too authoritative, and patronizing to some, though for certain pieces, it is absolutely the correct style.

I have had my share of growing experiences like anyone else; times that were tough, sometimes because of foolish decisions like pursuing someone who was not capable of being a kind boyfriend to anyone, and probably needed some therapy before he even attempted to have any pets…maybe fish would have been ok. I have also had to make choices where all of them were crappy and just tried to pick the least crappy choice, hence, crappy is still crappy. Like having to choose to refuse to help out with my troubled sibling and single parent, so that I could of continued going to college this way I would of already completed that PhD by now, instead it may take the rest of my life. It was a crappy decision and went with what felt right, but wasn’t what was right for me, this same issue has followed me around a bit, but I digress.


But I have also had tough times in numerous other ways, things that were not natural to me I had to learn to adapt to doing or achieving, and many other issues I am not going to get into for this piece. But the biggest bane to my existence now, the troubles I have now, have nothing to do with crappy decisions I have made, or were forced to make. They have all to do with crappy luck. and not receiving help from people who could help, but don’t want to , therefore making the situation worse.

What Really Matters When Life Sometimes Sucks Balls

It is how we handle those times, what we can learn from them. For me, I learned most recently that I have to put myself closer to the top of the list, because no one is going to take care of me. If my child, my husband and I all need underwear, it should not be that one or both of them get the underwear but I do not. Nope, we all go without until we all can have it, because we all deserve to have clean underwear equally. There is a fine line between being unselfish and being a martyr, I am glad that I have never known the demons that make a person so selfish and self-centered. I would say I am glad that I am who I am, but basically that deserves to be rewarded and not punished.


I realize what I normally do is burn out, I take on all the responsibilities I can, I take on more work than I am technically capable, and I cut out all the things that help a person function normally, then I am sick. I just don’t realize it at the time because I think well if I just keep going then I am capable, but really that should be after I have had adequate rest, been on a vacation of some sort, have been eating fresh health food, been committed to the physical exercise that my body demands or it revolts, and having time for friends and fun. Because we need all of these things to live a healthy life. What is the point of surviving it if means you will wind up with a terrible disease that may cause early death or a lifetime of care?



No one is Trying to Achieve Poor Health; even Under-Developed Nations Seek to be Healthy.

Otherwise we could all just sit around in our own filth all the time and not bother paying bills, because who cares?

I just get caught up with things like, wanting to keep on the electric, and the water, and paying my taxes, mortgage and insurances. But the fact is stuff sucks for us financially not because we made some poor choices, not because we spend too much money or consume too much, but because shit happens, and when it does you need help cleaning up the shit storm or it will just continue to stink.

I am grateful to have learned and unequivocally know certain truths about myself that have developed through strife and struggle. I am persistent, resourceful, adaptable, a hard worker, imaginative, gracious, thoughtful, and I have trouble knowing when to say no, not so much to people anymore, but too myself when I think it’s a great idea to try to have the fourth unsuccessful yard sale, forgetting how I don’t have that much stuff, or when I want to chain myself to my desk and be my own content mill, because hey I did churn out 20 articles over two days while Noah was not here. Of course I also didn’t eat, shower, exercise, answer the phone, watch any TV and only took a break to go the bathroom and get some water. (And even cut down on the water since it limited my time with unnecessary bathroom breaks)

Now I know, that sometimes shit storms happen, because it gives the people in our lives and even strangers the ability to be heroes, who am i to deny them that? It happens to make a person feel more capable and worthy, atleast it always did this for me.

Sanity- See you in September

I was originally going to be writing about our adventure to Toy Story 3 this weekend as my next blog post- I have begun it but was not ‘feeling it’ as far as finishing it up. Noah is in the shower right now, so I have about twenty minutes to write, and actually what I most want to write about is the fact, I have twenty minutes to write.


It is the way of it, School is out and Noah will be challenging me as he is suppose to do, all summer long. Writing for me is not the luxury that is use to be about ten years ago, it is now a necessity because it is what is going to salvage us financially. So sometimes I get a bit tense about trying to complete a deadline or get work done, promote my book, find more work, network etc when I am under constant interruption. I do not attempt to work all day when he is home, but I do think working for one or two hours out of the day is not too much to ask for. Heck, I would skip it all together if it wasn’t a necessity.

Noah will at least be spending some time down Joe’s parent’s house throughout the summer, a few days each month will give me a few days to try to complete the entire months work. But, this is the best it can be, since I cannot afford a baby sitter, and I do not know anyone willing to watch Noah for free.

Noah has come a long way from the head banging, non-verbal, freakazoid that he was a few years ago. He still scripts and self-talks, he still smacks himself when he is upset, beeps and makes peculiar sounds. He still does not understand many social cues, or a lot of concepts, he can be found running or sitting naked in the house because he doesn’t understand ‘shame’. He is impulsive and will often do something while he is asking you, and when it is not something he should be doing, this can be a problem.

However he does ask a lot more questions than he use to, and he even makes more comments about things that aren’t just about stuff he wants. His poor sleep patterns have improved, where he is getting to sleep by 10 instead of after midnight, but 10 is still pretty late when you get up before 6 am, and have no time to yourself or with anyone. Once he is asleep it’s time to sleep if I want to be healthy, but sometimes I work so I can keep the electric on.



I know he could be much worse off, the work we have done is really remarkable, and I am grateful for what we have accomplished and the good people who have come into our lives to help. Summer is bittersweet though, since we can’t really go out and do things it’s just a lot of time trapped in the house, trying to make the best of things, waiting for September when there will be peace in the noise, and quiet back in the house just for those few hours......and he is finishing his shower early (sigh)

It's not a cure, but it is the next best thing

When I decided to write a book about Noah and his Autism, I knew it wasn’t going to be a bible about how I cured him. Mainly because he is not cured, and I thought it was more important to feature how we function and accept it. Though it is true, we have improved the situation greatly from where it began we also do not know from one day to the next what kind of day he will have, and therefore what kind of day we all will have. We also do not know what the future holds and what kind of new problems will surface or even old ones we thought were just bad memories. This is why I choose to focus on the present, since only you and your place in it is in your control.

So a blog is a natural step, figures it makes sense to share the day to day, good and bad.

A typical day here involves my husband waking at about 5:40 for work, I usually awake then but do the best I can to squeeze another hour before Noah is up. From the moment I open my door I am greeted by our two golden retrievers Fred and Chewie, usually I hear their tails beating on the walls of the hallway with a steady rhythm once they hear me rouse from bed. Once I open the door the fun begins, Fred is usually holding something in his mouth and whining, Chewie and him are following me quickly anywhere I go…which is almost always the coffee maker where I make my mommy fuel. Next on the line of annoyance is Sami the cat, he is usually whining heartily for more food since he ate it all over night, or the bowl is just dangerously low. The final cog in the machine of annoyance is Noah, who is also very hungry and starving, and somehow has the ability to bounce around even though he just awoke. Most mornings he next gravitates to the computer. Which is where he spends the next hour and half before the bus comes to pick him up for school. Routine is breakfast there, he gets dressed around 8:30, and the bus is to come sometime around 8:45. Then it’s mostly peace and quiet until about 3:20, not completely because the dogs require a lot of attention and Fred really hates the cat across the street, he barks at it even when it is in its own driveway. But regardless, it is a very important part of the day that can be filled how I choose, and gives me much needed space to contemplate and complete the things that need to be done.

Every day with Noah is spent teaching him the things that typical children just understand or get on their own. Some days are much easier than others, and sometimes what can be the most shocking is when you don’t see the meltdown coming. Mostly because he was doing well, almost where you can forget he even has a problem.

There is nothing wrong in my opinion to look for a cure to a problem, condition or disease. But from what I can figure, is while science is out there trying its best to find a cure for Autism, maybe the only thing we can do is adapt to it. Accept the things we cannot change, change the things we can and have the wisdom to know the difference.