Wednesday, May 19, 2010

The Sound of Silence, Why YOU Need a Break and Why you Should not Apologize for it

Silence is often a rarity for parents. When you finally get it, there is such a peaceful feeling and realization on how you need it to be more at peace. It is also something we often forget that we truly need in our lives as much as breathing, food and shelter.  For without it, your life is full of annoyance and aggravation.

Children can be irritating but only because we are with them all the time and aren’t getting enough quiet time or time to ourselves. If we are getting enough time then things don’t annoy us. And it’s not just children; it’s our jobs, our pets, our homes that can cause irritation as well, when it is all of these things, its definitely time to go check into a hotel somewhere.  The annoyance we feel at times is our self telling us “hey enough, what about this, or that?” We all have needs, we need to exercise, we need to cultivate our inner self so we are better people to those we love, we need to communicate with our spouses, loved ones and friends, and sometimes we just need quiet or time away from our children to do these things.

Sometimes that need comes in the form of guilt. Our kids are climbing all over us, asking for things over and over again, sometimes things we just gave them. They are coming out from their beds at night and interrupting our time that we finally got or have designated as “our time”. And they are annoying us, so we feel guilty; because of course we are grateful for them. Just like the way our pets, bosses, jobs, schools and what not annoy us, but nevertheless we still value those things. But it is now that our bodies need a break from those things, because the cup is over full with too much of a good thing.

Guilt in this situation is really to yourself, you are denying yourself the needed time, or you’re denying it to your friends, spouse or whomever. And when this happens, it is time for a break.

I forget sometimes how much time has passed from when Noah was last away at his grandparents. But I start to realize it when I am getting more and more annoyed, and I know it’s not because I am overall unhappy. Overall I am grateful and satisfied in my life, but it comes down to basic logistics. If you’re constantly interrupted during your only down time with each other, it should annoy you, otherwise it wouldn’t mean anything and you didn’t need the down time to begin with.

Sending the kids off to grandmas, or sending  yourself somewhere away from work or the things that have overfilled your cup is a necessity to keep functioning as the human being you are or aspire to be. Everything in life takes a break, the sun goes down, the moon comes up, and if you believe in god even they took a day off. So must you, otherwise you’re just a victim to your own life. You eventually grow to resent things around you but it would be your own fault for not doing anything about it.

I know how that can be a challenge when you don’t have anyone who can help you, or maybe you don’t have the money. Resources are such an important part of living after all.  And this has been our story the whole time. We rarely ever had anyone who could help, sure on occasion I can send Noah to one of his grandparents. But we have also had the issues where we could not because life happens, someone got sick, something popped up, and sometimes all the stars” have to align, including on our end, to make things work out. This is just the case when you don’t have a lot of resources. If you have many friends, and a large family then ask them for help, they may not know you need it if you never asked before. Or maybe even if you have, and they should know you need it, they just may not be thinking about it. And sadly sometimes you realize, most of the people you know are selfish people, and have the type of family who thinks you should just do everything yourself, not ever ask for help because they have their problems too. 

This is where being creative, and sometimes just doing whatever you have to do, to make it so, is exactly what you must do. Because you are worth it. This is your life, not someone else's. You need to be able to live it. So do what you must, and don't apologize for needing to put gas back in your tank. 

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