This post might be a tad long, but it’s important to some of
you who matter to me and who I matter to. I am feeling reflective as I have
reached the one year anniversary of getting out of the hospital. So want to
share some of what I learned etc. I have to say, talking about personal stuff
like this is odd for me, last year once I opened that can of worms, I had to
see it through. Though I never fully shared everything, I did share quite a
bit. And I am not the only person out there that has health issues related to
stress.
ET Phone home? I was overtired and yes, I went there.
For those who don’t know, last summer I was hospitalized
with Systolic Congestive heart failure and an array of other issues and partial
system failures. My body was shutting down. This situation was a long time
coming and began more than 10 years ago. I suppose a brief backstory is in order, I
have always been borderline anemic and did have GI issues when I was 17 But
otherwise was healthy. A few years after
having Noah I was having issues, (joint pain, elevated temp, inflammation etc.)
which I attributed to a lack of sleep, because I did not sleep for more than an
hour or so at a time, and never more than a few hours for several years, due to
my old job where I was the boss and on call 24 hours, then having a baby.
Anyway, didn’t have insurance, did go to 2 doctors, did get some lab work done,
but due to the high costs of labs, they could only get so far with a diagnosis
then, based on the results according to the doctors , it had to be an autoimmune disorder like lupus or cancer. I digress; I wasn’t that sick then, so
could not warrant the cost for more tests. So just did my best to be healthy, think
positive, that did work overall. Except for when things got very stressful and
I couldn’t do the things I needed. Having a baby was one thing, but then having
a kid with autism was something else, plus we had financial issues from that,
and other things that were beyond our control.
These types of things take a toll, as many people out there know from
their own lives. And when you have
challenges and you are sick, or not as well as you need to be, everything is
more challenging.
So whatever was “wrong with me” waxed and waned for years.
However early in 2016 is most likely when the heart failure actually began, (though it could have been even earlier). I was just too
determined to get to Virginia to allow it to get worse. I felt the time
slipping through that hourglass though, which was why I was so determined and
sounded so desperate at times about moving.
New Path in VA
Leaving behind NJ
Regardless I made it over a year with the beginning of heart failure, it also improved a bit after moving, probably just because of the love and excitement of dreams coming true. (between moving and getting a job at Busch Gardens, one of my favorite places in the world). At least that is how it seemed, as things weren't as dire as they became in June of 2017. I had some struggles with the hot weather at work, but it was only for a short time it was too warm. And since I was stage managing vampires who LOVED their jobs and LOVED to scare the crap out me, they were practically "defibrillating" me in away.
But moving isn’t without stress no matter how happy you are about it, and neither is life. A few things were going on, that set health issues back on its scary track back in May of last year. Starting over isn't easy, it was stressful of course, even though we were happy about it. Kind of like planning a wedding. But that, plus suffering a trauma that May, just caused my heart to weaken more, beat too fast and so began a snowball of garbage that started with palpitations,weakness and lead to bloating, edema, insominia, not being able to eat, and system failures. But I braved my fear of hospitals and being broke and found a place that had a good feeling. And it was. The people there did a good job, as I am alive to type this.
Echo results from Aug 2016-Jan 2017 Discharge Day, "My Name is Earl" Style
It’s funny how you can still learn things you already know. I have always had a “seize the day attitude”, but for many years my seizing of the day was literally spent on Noah and helping him, and any time I had left went to helping a few others. It wasn’t that I didn’t like fun anymore, (well except roller coasters) in fact there were times it really bugged me when I realized how little fun we were actually having. But being sick made that matter more again, fun, relaxation, basic non-stress and no worrying about money because my life literally depended on it. It meant giving up some of the work I was doing. I still write for Busch Gardens, and I still write occasional "Things to do" type articles for CBS, but I put everything else on hold. Because in the end, none of that, no matter how important I thought it was, isn't as important as everything else.
Today one year later I am much healthier than the day I left the hospital because of those things. This was my Doctor’s advice, since stress was the primary cause. And I may never know any more than that and all of the details from my hospital stay. There are clues there; there are even confirmations of previous autoimmune disease, the anemia etc. But technically the only diagnosis I have is the Systolic congestive heart failure, due to cardiomyopathy. I also learned a lot of medical stuff, and why they call it a practice, because as much as “they” know there is a lot that they don’t.
I go back in October to check on where I am at now. But the
bottom line is, stress is no joke. The stuff in your life that keeps you from
sleeping, eating well, that keeps fun out, and worry and pain in, that over
works you, has to go. At least most of it. You really have to decide what is
worth risking your life for. People tell you all the time, life is short and it’s
true. We all know it, but I really knew it over the past year. Because I knew
if I didn’t get better, I wasn’t going to have much more than another year or
so. If I do what I need, live well, don’t overdo it, don’t work too hard, get
plenty of rest and don’t fight so many battles I can have several years ahead
of me. Some of the damage is already done, though I do like the idea of saying…well…maybe
I can beat that too.
So if I had any advice to give besides all that, it would be that sodium is the devil and it really
isn’t the dog in the fight, but the fight in the dog. But don't concern yourself with fighting everything, all the time. Life isn't about fighting, save it for when it matters. Rather, learn to adjust your sails, and
steer into the skid.
And eat the ice cream, its low in sodium.
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